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Heraclitus, Parmenides, and a rabbi walk into a bar engaged in =
rapid-fire conversation. They order a round of drinks from the young =
bartender, who happens to be a grad student in philosophy working his =
way through university at the student pub. The trio continues their =
animated discussion over several rounds.=20
The bartender can scarcely believe his ears as he overhears the men, as =
he comes to realize who the Greeks are; and he is astonished at the =
rupture in the spacetime continuum before him. But, most of all, aghast =
at the company the rabbi is keeping, the bartender, after hours of =
silence, suddenly interjects, "Don't you know these two are Nazis? They =
are well known companions of the insidious Nazi philosopher Heidegger!" =
To which the rabbi replies, "A little gelassenheit goes a long way, you =
putz. Let Heidegger be. He is what he is."=20
Agitated, the bartender replies, "But as a Jew, how can you say that? =
Heidegger never once spoke against the Holocaust!" To which the =
impatient rabbi replies, "So I'm a Jew. Leave me alone. I am what I am."
Furious, the bartender exclaims, "Blasphemy! How dare you assert that =
you are identical with the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob! You claim =
no less when you say that your essence is your existence!"
Parmenides smiles at this outburst and says, "This man *is* a Thomist!" =
He takes notice of the "Graduate Student Society: Philosophy" t-shirt =
the bartender is wearing and remarks, "No doubt he is an A student, so =
fluent in all the correct questions and correct answers!" (He speaks the =
word "correct" both times with thick irony.)
Heraclitus laughs and says, "Careful, Parmenides! The man whom you say =
is a Thomist can be in one moment a politically correct dupe, in another =
moment a strident Thomist, and, for all you know, in the next moment, a =
Nietzschean superman. No, his youthful flow from one fashionable idea to =
the next is a hopelessly ordinary phenomenon. As such, as completely =
average, he cannot possibly have any more than a C average!"
Suddenly the rabbi notices for the first time a Nazi flag hanging on the =
wall behind the bar. "What is that?!" exclaims the rabbi. "What with all =
your self-righteousness, that flag is there?!"
"That's actually a critique of National Socialism," smiles the =
bartender. "I had to join the party, briefly, in order to get that flag, =
but I quit soon after and, if you have the eyes to see, you'll notice =
that I am a staunch critic of National Socialism. You'll notice the flag =
is flown upside down!"
"A clever answer," replies the rabbi, "but you'll have to do better than =
that to keep my business. Parmenides, Heraclitus, come with me. We're =
leaving!"
The trio gets up and begins to walk away. As they head for the door, the =
bartender shouts out, "Rabbi, wait! Before you go, answer me two =
questions. First, the question of my grade point average. Parmenides =
asserts I am an A student, Heraclitus maintains I am a C. And you?"
"You are neither average nor exceptional," says the rabbi. "You clearly =
learnt to think a little something about the great philosopher =
Heidegger; but even though you repudiate him you are still under his =
sway. Therefore you obviously are a B student." The rabbi turns to his =
drinking buddies. "But enough of this tedious question of your B-ing," =
he says gleefully, nodding to his chuckling companions as they open the =
door for him. "We are leaving. What is your second question?"
"Here is your tab," says the bartender, waving it above his head. "You =
cannot leave without paying. So who's buying?"
The rabbi, smiling, looks at Parmenides and Heraclitus, both of whom =
tell him, with protesting glances, that they are dirt-poor philosophers, =
manifestly broke. "Questioning is the piety of thinking," answers the =
rabbi, "so I will leave you, the thinking student, with your question =
unanswered. Perhaps you may ask God for the answer." The rabbi, laughing =
with his friends, turns and begins walking out the door.
"So only a god can save me now!" laughs the bartender. "Your God?" he =
shouts out after the rabbi. "Will the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob =
give me my money?"
The rabbi stops, turns around, looks at the bartender, and shrugs. "It =
gives!"
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