CONGRATULATIONS Ms.Tympan Ali.MP! You have been chosen as the much
deserved winner of the highly respected: WILLIAM TOPAZ McGONAGALL AWARD FOR
METAPHYSICAL TAUROHUPOS 2004! Congratulations also to the worthy runner-up
Michael.P.O'Peep.
You must be so excited. We are all aware of how much hard work goes on
behind the scenes into giving birth to such obfuscational bull's droppings and
how painful it can be on the sphincteral muscles to pass such an unnatural
phenomenon. The Committee of Judges are sure this has been a thrilling,
exciting experience for you. Best wishes, congratulations and good luck!
The judges were particularly impressed with your masterly introduction of
the following three items, which were monitored both with the traditional
jargonometer and our recently acquired *cringeometer* [Kindly donated by HARAB -
the Husserlian Association for the Recognition of Absolute Bollocks.]
All three utterances have been judged to be classics of their kind, and will
be recorded in the official Chronicle of Metaphysical Meconium which is
preserved in the temperature-controlled vault in the chapel of Albert-Ludwig
University of Freiburg.
(1) *This is what opens up Dasein as that which relates dasein to a
stituated clearing.*
Comment: We considered your brilliant use of: "This is what opens up Dasein
as that which relates dasein to a stituated clearing" as a metaphysical
masterstroke of syntactical obnubilation. (Did you actually study under William
Topaz McGonagall by any chance?)
(2) *This means a kind of immanence then it's a removal of metaphysics
understood as a transcendental*
absolute as an ontological cut between some alleged beyng and beings.
Comment: This supreme example of brilliantly observed bullshit was enough in
itself to ensure that the prize was yours. It left the panel of judges
slack-jawed in amazement and disbelief that such a metaphysical wonder could
emerge from an e-mail list not usually renowned for such dizzying heights of
studied affectation.
(3) *Being in the open as an attentiveness follows the deployment of the
things themselves.*
Comment: The judges were immediately transported to ancient Troy when this
phrase was read to them. One panellist was moved to tears and said he saw and
heard the ghost of Sinon giving the hushed command: "Fan-out men" as they
dropped silently from the belly of the wooden horse and deployed themselves in
readiness for their fateful attack.
Your prize [a beautifully preserved 19th century ragman's trumpet] will
arrive *special delivery* via HylicPost together with a cheque for 41 drachma,
[one drachma for each of the golden winning words].
We are happy to inform you that you are now entitled to place the initials:
MP [McGonagall Prizewinner] after your name.
Best Wishes for the Future!
THE WILLIAM TOPAZ McGONAGALL AWARD COMMITTEE.
Dundee, Scotland.
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